Silveretta the jets of

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My birthday was 4 days ago. I’m a 23 yr old receptionist who never finish college and has no real life ambitions.

Today I got to spend the day with my mom and older sister. She invited us over so she could take me to buy a birthday present, needless to say she forgot her invitation and had nothing planned for us. I ended up having a beautiful time with her anyway. She’s the world’s greatest mother. I’m serious, it’s a fact. Saying the world is round is equivalent to saying I have the world’s greatest mom. Fact.

I was able to talk and joke around with her, something that is rare to me now. I moved out of her home 2 weeks after high school graduation and have always lived so far from her.

My life isn’t terribly awful. Yes, there are certain aspects of my life that make me feel like shit BUT I don’t hate my life. Not at all.  I’m 23 yrs old and know that things didn’t go as planned but I don’t think I would go back and change anything if i could. At times it’s hard to accept some decision, mainly doing crappy and giving up on school, but I unfortunately fell out of love with school, but I my mother.

We sat on her couch and I laid my head on her lap and it felt like I was back in the 90’s, I felt like a child again. That’s when the this indescribable feeling took over my body. Will I be able to do this?

It was a terrible drive home, I’d been trying so hard not to let these thoughts circulate my mind but after being with her I knew that there was a huge chance of having to make a life altering decision.

When I left her house I tried to cover up a lingering hug by driving my lethal chin into her shoulder. I cry at the thought of disappointing her.

My boyfriend has just been so wonderful. Even as I write this he calls and is sweeter than ever making it even harder to hide how freaked out I am. I can’t have both of us sobbing in disbelief over what we’ve might have created. We’ve both made it clear on what we would do if this situation was to present itself and I still believe in it. Or at least I still hold it as an option.

When I think about the our lives and our hopes and dreams I know that to others it may seem average and not fulfilling at all but my man is someone who can make the smallest things become something that everyone would crave and lust over. He is the person I dream I would be doing this with… just not at this time.

I feel like I have two people living inside of me that are sure of what they want. This is definitely not a win – win situation they both can’t have what they want. The pros and cons are literally making me sick, or sicker. The only thing I know that will help me get through is taking it in little by little, step by step

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