You were not there



Keywords: you were not there
Description: This could be speaking of several people in my life. But I am working on self here, most I have forgiven and let go of. But one that has so shaped my life, so close to me, I have not forgiven. They

This could be speaking of several people in my life. But I am working on self here, most I have forgiven and let go of. But one that has so shaped my life, so close to me, I have not forgiven. They probably don't even know this has bothered me for years. my parents.

No one really "knows" me because I don't let too many people in. But do we REALLY know anyone? Anyways, just a few years ago, my mother started trying to tell me "I Love you." and tried to hug me. Let me remind you, I am 31 years old. I, of course, never told her back or let her hug me. I would actually back away. So from then on, my family has made fun of me, saying. ohhh, Sara is sooo sensitive and won't give anyone hugs. So they make it a game, to make fun and try to give me a hug when I least expect it. It's not funny at all to me. My parents have NEVER been there for me emotionally. When I went through my divorce, my mother would say "You made your bed, you lie in it." When I would try and tell her about the kids fathers not helping financially or emotionally it would be "Well, You picked them." When I was 10 and up, there was no more hugs, no more "I love you's." I am sure they did it when I was a small child, but I do not remember it.

One day about 6 months ago, my mom asked really, why I would never hug her. I told her how can you start now? You never did it when I was a teenager or younger. She said.."Well, when you got to be 11 or 12 or so, you pushed us away. You wouldn't let us." I didn't say anything else. I thought, how can you come back 15 years later and expect me to do this. I was a child for God's sake. Obviously I was telling you something, that doesn't mean give up on me at that age, does it.

They have always supported me financially. But never emotionally. Funny thing is, I am so non-materialistic, that all the money in the world doesn't count for you accepting me for me and just being there ONCE for me emotionally. They don't get it. I'm sure this is a lot of the reason I am so "hard" or I can come across as a heartless bitch at times, because well, I was taught to be that way.






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